Reflection By Dan McIntyre (Spring 2004)

I came to the Rutland Dismas House after serving over a year in prison for a DUI conviction. By the time I had become eligible for release from prison, the Department of Corrections had eliminated transitional housing that previously had been made available to people released from jail, and had it not been for Dismas House accepting me as a resident it is entirely possible that I would still be incarcerated.

Since coming to Rutland Dismas in October, my old employer has asked me to return to work and I anticipate moving into a home of my own before this summer. I have had the opportunity to meet many fine members of the community who support Dismas through their volunteer efforts, and who put great effort and energy into making it possible for people like myself to reconstruct their lives and become positive participants in local affairs. Had it not been for Dismas House, I would have completely missed this wonderful opportunity to see everyday people unite in the common cause of helping those who otherwise labor against staggering odds to regain some semblance of normalcy in their lives within the community, with no assistance from any other source other than Dismas House and the people who support it. I remain daily grateful for the support of Dismas House and the volunteers who have made my transition to the community a successful one.

Pauli's Reflection - In His Own Words
As delivered at Annual Dinner and Auction in June  2003      

First of all, I'd like to thank everyone for being here today….. especially all of you supporters, friends, and families of Dismas House.  My name is Paul.  I would like to start off by telling you a little about my past….  Before I came to Dismas House, my life was one big mess…on a road of self -destruction… one disaster after another.  My use of drugs and alcohol expanded over a period of 34 years….  It has been a battle of a lifetime, which I will continue to fight the rest of my life.

Dismas has played a major role in my recovery, along with the honesty, and my willingness to surrender to my alcohol and drug addiction.   My life had been in chaos… up until January 13, 2003.  The previous year had been a roller coaster ride….  I had been incarcerated on at least 7 different occasions.  I would pick up the pieces of my life, put them back together, then fall flat on my face… finding myself back behind bars once again….with no where to go, and no one to turn to!

So this time, I knew I had to make a serious change in my life if I wanted to have any kind of life at all….  So I decided to put myself in rehab, and apply to Dismas House.  I set up my interviews from prison.  I was accepted, and arrived at Dismas House on January 13, 2003.  Since I have been living at Dismas House, I've realized major parts of my life I was lacking.  The most important part was learning to live and be part of a healthy community, along with having and building structure and stability in my life… especially emotionally and financially.

Dismas House has helped me to refurbish the Golden Rule… to distinguish right from wrong… to be honest to myself and others… and to be part of society.

Dismas also plays a major role in goal setting…short term and long…which I feel is very important in my recovery….  Each week, myself and other residents, do a weekly check in with Retta or Joan.  We each have our own progress folders.  In our folders there is a chart of areas of our lives.  We rate each from 0 to 10.  Areas can be anywhere from house chores… to our jobs… AA and NA meetings… counseling…. bank account…short term goals and long.  We rate ourselves accordingly, from 0 to 10, based on how well we think we are working on our program, or achieving our goal. 

This is how Dismas has been helping me to build structure and stability in my life today…  So, each week, I can look back in the weeks past, and see how much progress I've been making…  It shows me in black and white…on paper… if I've been working a healthy program… or if there is a specific need area.  The most important part of this chart,…for it to work… is being very honest with myself. 

In my recovery, being honest with myself makes a difference…and that is what really matters to me. 

I feel very strongly about Dismas House….  It's the place for me to be… at this point and time in my life…. I highly recommend it as the place to be for someone like me…. who wants to get their life back on track, and back into reality

The support alone…that Dismas and its supporters give…is overwhelming.  I would like to thank Rita McCaffrey, Retta and Joan for being there for me always, and putting up with me.  Thank you for your support.

Oh, yeah….one more thing……….There was a time I used to RUN from Judge McCaffrey….  Now I sit next to him at the dinner table!!   

Clinton's Reflection: Spring 2003

My name is Clinton . I am 59 years old and I was in prison for eleven years.  While I was in prison I took part in Anger Management, Life Skills, Cognitive Self-Change programs. I also began to learn to read. 

The day I arrived at  Dismas House was overwhelming for me.  I hadn't been in a house, walked downtown by myself, or been into a store for eleven years. I loved sitting on the front porch, just watching the people pass by. 

I liked Dismas House right away. I chose Dismas House because the program fee was reasonable, it would give me a chance to save money, and I could get off to a clean start.  I have been at Dismas House for four months, and I have met a lot of nice people through Dismas House—Dismas staff and residents, as well as people in the community, church and AA.  I am working full time, thanks to a volunteer who helped me find work. I have saved money, I go to AA regularly and have been sober going on 12 years. 

I especially like the company at our evening meal, meeting volunteers from the community and college students who come to Dismas House. I would recommend Dismas House to other people - the people here are great!

Dwight's Reflection  (Spring 2002)

My name is Dwight and I am currently a resident at Dismas House.  My purpose for writing this is to try to communicate my impression of just what Dismas House is and what it means, at least to me.

Like the other residents here, I have a past. A past that haunts me, reminds me and is, in essence, the very reason I am here. For the most part, a great deal of my life has been out of control, mostly due to substance abuse, but also due to my lack of responsibility, both to myself and to the people in my life. I wanted what I wanted, when I wanted it. Most of the time, it didn’t matter how I got it or who I had to hurt to get it. I could lie, cheat, and steal with the best of them. I would steal from you and then help you look for it. All  because I didn’t want to be responsible for my life, I thought the world owed me.

I have been incarcerated and I have been a victim and a perpetrator. I have been on top and I have been at the bottom. I have been loving and tried to be in total control of that love. I have dreamed, I have longed for, hoped, pleaded, begged, borrowed and took from nearly everyone in my life. I have been ashamed, embarrassed, hurt and wronged because of my inability to accept. I am not alone!

 While all of this was occurring in my life, I constantly felt a lack of something. I could never put my finger on it – could never understand it but felt it deep within me. About a year ago, while incarcerated again, I had a sudden overwhelming thought - the thought that it might be possible that I could change my life.  And as elementary as it sounds, it had never occurred to me.

Since that very day, and due to some very caring, patient, and understanding people who appeared in my life, I have been learning about myself. Not all of it has been easy, but it has all been, for lack of a better word, resurrecting. I have learned that everything I have done has shaped and formed me and that I am, essentially, the only person that can do anything with this new information. And I have!

The hole that I have been feeling in my soul has been the lack of peace. I had never been at peace with myself. I’m not saying that I have it completely today, but I sure as heck have a lot more that I ever had at any point in my life.

I want to be a better person. I want my 11 year old son to have me be a better person. I want to love, love because of who someone is, not for who I think I can make them be.

Dismas House was a step that I felt could add to my newfound hope and the results have been more than I could ever have hoped for. I can’t begin to explain how it feels to sit down to a dinner table, after putting in an honest day, with members of a community whose only desire is to trust and believe in me. Me! The support is unbelievable and makes me only want to continue on my quest for the best life I can have. For me.

I honestly believe that this experience is something that anyone who has ever been on a path similar to mine should have. I thank my Higher Power everyday for Dismas and for its supporters. If it wasn’t for them, I just might not be here writing this letter.

Thank you Dismas House, thank you supporters and volunteers. Thank you for believing in me so that I have the chance to believe…… in me.

Reflection of A Student Resident - Andre Alexandre

My name is Andre Alexandre, and I am currently a sophomore at the College of St. Joseph. My journey with Dismas House began about nine months ago via the College. I was a freshman needing to do some community service work as well as a case study for an introductory level Human Service course. I remember coming to Dismas for the first time. Terry Stevens (veteran Dismas House volunteer) greeted me with a smile, as well as Dismas House Director, Loretta Murphy. Needless to say, I feel in love with the organization. It was the Dismas mission and their commitment to the cause that interested me in the beginning and is what made me continue to donate my time after my requirements were fulfilled.  When the opportunity presented itself for me to be a Dismas House college resident, I jumped at it. Immersing myself in a community that is committed to impacting people’s lives in a positive way has been amazing. Just like so many other people in society, prior to Dismas House, I had preconceived notions and prejudices about people who broke the law. I thought that they should be locked away. I thought that they were lost causes. But living and working here at Dismas with my new family, has made me challenge those attitudes. It has shown me that my friends here aren’t that different from me. I have made some of the same mistakes, but just haven’t been caught. Although our pasts are different we are all on the same path of betterment and Dismas has been a vital tool to utilize and to possess.

Christine St. Laurent, Student Intern
B.A. Psychology, College of St. Joseph, Rutland

Since I began my internship at Dismas House in September, I have learned so much about myself and what it means to be part of a truly special organization.  I have met many individuals within the house who have given me a fresh perspective on life; who have given me faith in the recovery process and the inspiration to live life to the fullest of potential. 

Dismas House provides a supportive atmosphere in which the residents are able to make positive life changes and I feel fortunate to be part of the Dismas family. Despite my brief experience with Dismas House, the friendships I’ve formed with residents and colleagues mean a great deal to me and their impact on my personal growth will remain with me throughout all of my endeavors in life.

Melissa Lambert, Student Intern
B.A. Social Work, Castleton State College

As part of my degree requirements I had to pick an agency that I could contribute two hundred hours a semester to, as an intern. I chose to do my internship at Rutland Dismas House after I had done the Thresholds Volunteer program. The Threshold program allowed me to get to know an inmate, and de-bunk the myths about people that are in jail. I decided to do my internship at the Rutland Dismas House, because I wanted to be a part of a population that I felt was misunderstood by most people.

Since I have been here I have gotten to know most of the residents; it’s through these interactions that I realize how much we have in common, even though our lives and experiences have led us in different directions.  As part of my support work with Dismas residents, I have been investigating different agencies in Rutland to find out about available services, such as Voc Rehab, Department of Employment and Training, Social Security and the Turning Point Club. I have attended the house meetings and dinners here as well.

I am happy to be here at Dismas because of the family structure and support that the residents and staff engage in with one another. I know that there are few places that have this type of concept in their mission, and I feel fortunate to be a part of this one.

 Yachiyo Matsuda, Volunteer for Peace
Yachiyo lived and worked with us for 4 months in 2002.  She came to us through Volunteers For Peace, an organization that promotes peace and understanding through the sharing of cultures and lives. The VFP office is located right here in Belmont, Vermont. We are grateful to the founders and staff of VFP for the experience of getting to know Yachiyo, and to Yachiyo for the talents and spirit which she brought to our community. She touched each of our lives in a very special way and will long be remembered as a very generous and caring member of our Dismas Family.

My name is Yachiyo Matsuda. I came here from Japan after I graduated from the university last March. In university I had learned about Non-profit-Organization and Restorative justice. When I found Volunteers for Peace and Dismas House at the NICE office (Non Profit Organizations of Japan), I remember being excited. I hoped to learn not only theory but also practice.

We have a facility like Dismas House in Japan but I think it depends on the government. I also think this group of society (former prisoners) isn't generally understood by people in Japan. So I wanted to know how Dismas House is managed, with the cooperation of the local community, and how residents go about overcoming their past.

Basically for my work here I did easy tasks in the office, like making copies and organizing things. When staff went to the jails to interview prisoners, I went with them. I did chores in the house. I cooked dinner once a week or I helped to prepare for dinner. I went to AA meetings after dinner almost every day. So this is how I spent my days.

I think Dismas House can give opportunities to residents. They can find out how to cope with a difficult situation like alcohol and drugs. They also can decide by themselves how they want to live from now on. I also learned about community services in Rutland. Dismas House has all kinds of volunteers. It was amazing for me that they have various backgrounds and high skills. I also got a glimpse of how residents struggle to overcome their past.

As I want to be a social worker, I'm sure this experience will contribute toward my work from now on.

Lastly, I would like to thank you for everything. I had a great time here. I just appreciate that I was accepted by Dismas House .

BENJAMIN SEGOBAETSO a volunteer from Gaborone, Botswana Africa, worked with us as a resident volunteer for about 6 months in 2002-2003. We are grateful to Myra Sessions, Volunteers For Peace, the United Nations Development Program in Botswana and the Botswana government who collaborated in various ways to make Benjamin’s visit possible.

I like it here so far at Rutland Dismas House but it's a little strange for me. The people talk faster and I tend to miss some words, but they are nice people. I saw snow for the first time last week and I was nervous when they threw snowballs at me. I thought it would hurt. My country is different. It is very hot there and we never have cold winters like this. The maximum cold is usually -1°C (about 32° F). That’s what we call the coldest. I had some fun already, I went to a skate park and tried roller-skating, but I fell all over the place.

At home I work as a journalist for Gabz FM radio station where I gathered and compiled news. I also helped in producing and presenting short radio features and a sports update program. I also freelanced for local newspapers which I think I will continue doing while I am here.

My government is providing the financial support for me to have this experience at Rutland Dismas House. The Department of Youth and Culture bought me a return air ticket while the Department of Women’s Affairs sourced out a sponsorship for my stipend during my six months stay here through the United Nations Development Program. My coming down to Rutland Dismas House is of high value as I am expected to apply the skills that I learn here when I get back home.

I really hope to learn a lot here and hope to share my culture too with the residents.  I feel very fortunate to be here and to have this opportunity.

This Little Light of Mine

This reflection by a Dismas resident reminds us of this favorite song.

My name is Sheila and I am a resident at Rutland Dismas House.  I came to Dismas House on July 15^th, 2002.  Dismas is a family environment, which I never had before.   The residents are caring.  Dismas staff is wonderful. My life has turned around since I arrived at Dismas. I am a member of AA and I go to meetings every day.  If I have a problem people are there for me.  Coming to Dismas House is the best choice I could have made, and others should come and enjoy the chance to change.  I am loving myself and who I am.

Let it shine, let it shine, let it shine !